Reunion
by gizmo8us
Summary: Casey must face her ten year college reunion with a few skeleton's in her closet. CC, cause it's me and you know it has to be that way with a little RJ on the side.
1. Chapter 1

The large, crowded banquet hall was packed to overflowing with more bodies than I had anticipated. I stepped a trembling leg onto the red paisley carpet and tried to steady my nerves.

" I'm not so sure I want to do this. " I told Will, the man standing beside me, clutching my hand.

" Casey, you can't back out now. You promised me you'd come for a little while at least. " He chided, as the smile slipped from his face and he let my hand go so he could rest it on his hip.

" I know I did. But now, I'm just not so sure. I don't think this is a good idea. " I said, trying to edge my way back out of the room's entrance.

" But you can't leave without even coming inside. " He insisted. " You just can't. It's your ten year reunion. You don't want to miss this. " I still looked doubtful as he took my hand again. " You can do this. You need to do this. I know what you're thinking, and I promise you, once you get inside, once you actually see everyone again, you'll be fine. "

What he obviously wasn't understanding was it was the seeing everyone again that had me so tied in knots. How had I let him talk me into this ? How had he convinced me that coming face to face with my past would be a good idea ? I shook my head, " I can't, Will. I just can't. "

He looked clearly disappointment and dropped his eyes to the floor. " It's Evan, right ? You don't want to see Evan. "

" It's not just Evan. " I muttered more to myself than to him. I knew very well who it was I was not looking forward to seeing, and it certainly wasn't Evan Chambers. I hadn't even thought about having to face him.

He stepped closer to me and gave me his reassuring smile, one he had used quite a bit on me in the last few years. " Listen to me, You are still just as beautiful as you were in school. You have a wonderful, successful career. Come on, Casey, you're practically famous. And speaking of careers, you work entirely too hard. You need some time off and this is the perfect thing. You can just surround yourself with people how like and admire you. Besides, Rusty and Jenn will be here. Weren't you just telling me the other day that you don't get to see them nearly enough ? "

He was right about everything, of course. This reunion was exactly what I needed. My career was taking off. My latest design would be walking down the red carpet, worn by one of Hollywood's elite this next award season, and my new line would be featured in L.A.'s Fashion week very soon. Career wise I had nothing to be ashamed of. I was a success. People loved my designs. I had done exactly what I set out to do with my life. I knew I shouldn't be feeling so overwhelmed by all this. I shouldn't be standing at the edge of a room, staring inside like I was looking at a guillotine, but I was.

I could feel my hands shaking and my legs felt like rubber. " I promise you no one is going to know anything you don't want them too. I'm right here beside you. If you need to lean, " he patted his shoulder, " You just lean away. I can hold you up. "

I finally let a small smile escape as I watched him trying once again to make me feel better. That was, after all, what Will did. He made me feel better. That was his role in our relationship and while I felt a little guilty for relying on him so much, he continued to reassure me, over and over again that it was how he wanted it. He always said, he was my rock. It was his job and he was glad to play the part. So I let him.

" You've talked to Ashleigh, Rusty and Jenn, right ? " he asked, as he urged me forward.

" Yeah, they know everything and they promised to keep quiet. " I answered.

" Okay then. See, everything will be fine. " He smiled down at me. "Are you ready to do this now ? "

" I guess so. " I said, squaring my shoulders and taking a deep breath.

" Alright then. " He practically pulled me by the hand, not giving me a chance to stop at the edge this time. He dragged me forward, taking me to a table inside the door.

I barely got checked in and had time to plaster a stupid tag reading, ' remember me, I'm Casey Cartwright' to the lapel of my black suit jacket before I was being practically bowled over by a very excited, squealing Ashleigh.

" I didn't think you were going to come. " she gushed as she continued to hug me. " I figured you would find some reason to back out. "

" She tried. " Will commented from my side. " You should have seen how hard she tried. But I managed to sidestep her evasive maneuvering. "

Ashleigh let me go long enough to hug him. " Thank you, Will. You are a real trouper. We couldn't have gotten her here without you. "

" It was my pleasure. " He smiled and squeezed my hand which he had grabbed the moment I let go of Ashleigh. He was acting like he was holding a leash on a skidish dog that he was afraid would run the second he let go. And to be honest, that was probably an fairly accurate assessment of the situation.

" I just ran into Fran. " Ashleigh was saying as we went to the bar and grabbed a couple of glasses of punch. " She's a mess. " I felt terrible for being unable to hide my smile at that news. " I knew that would make you feel better. And just to make you feel even better, no one here knows anything about you. All I've heard since I got here is, how is Casey ? What's Casey doing now ? "

I was just about to admonish her for enjoying someone else's misery so much, even if it was Franny, when someone calling my name turned me in the opposite direction.

I let my eyes rake over Rebbecca Logan carefully. She looked exactly the same as she had ten years before. Her hair was still a lustering, wavy black curtain around her perfectly made up face. Her large brown eyes were still big and bright and youthful. Her full, red lips still held that smug smile it always had. I searched for some flaw in her appearance, something I could hold on to that would tell me she wasn't as perfect as she appeared, but I found none, on the outside at least.

" Rebbecca, " I forced a smile. " How are you ? "

" I'm wonderful. " she told me, giving me a stiff, cold hug. " How have you been ? It's been years. "

" Yeah, " I nodded, " Ten of them. " Okay, so I was being sarcastic. I couldn't help it. This was my mortal enemy after all. Surely I wasn't expected to be nice to her, even after all this time. " I'm great. What have you been doing with yourself ? "

Please say, I'm a divorced crack ho with five children and no career and an arrest record a mile long, I silently pleaded, as I worked to keep the pleasant smile on my face.

I knew, of course, that wasn't what she had been doing. Her marriage and success was public knowledge after all. We all knew that she was now Rebbecca Chambers, wife of Senator Chambers, or more to the point, Evan, my ex.

" Evan and I just bought a yacht. We're taking the kids on to Europe after this insane week is over. " she smiled sweetly. " How about you, what have you been doing with yourself ? "

I was fairly certain she knew exactly what I had been up to. She had after all thought about using one of my designs for Evan's inaugural ball a few years before.

" I just finished designing my new line. " I answered with a smile. " All the critics are calling it a tremendous success. "

" That's just great. " she said, although I could tell she had been praying I was going to be the one to confess to being the crack ho. " And who is this ? " She wrapped one clawed hand around Will's upper arm and pulled him closer to her, examining him critically.

" This is Will, my partner. " I tugged him away from her gently and was grateful when he moved closer to me and wrapped his arm around my waist, holding me up, just as he promised.

" Your partner, huh ? So you aren't married ? "

" Not yet, " Will smiled saucily. " We're waiting until after the new line comes out. I'm Will Trevors. "

Rebbecca took the hand he extended in her direction and held it a fraction longer than she should have, I noticed. Same old Rebbecca, always trying to take what she imagined was mine.

" Well, Will, you must be quite a man to have snagged our Casey after all this time. "

I gritted my teeth so tightly it made my jaw ache and dug my nails into Will's side, trying to keep from jabbing them into her face. " Yes, Will is really something. "

" I should go find Evan. I'm sure he would want to meet your fiance. " she smiled one last time before turning away and disappearing into the crowd.

" My God, " Will exclaimed after she was gone. " She is a piece of work. I thought all these years, you were just exaggerating. "

" Oh, no, " Ashleigh said, appearing from behind him where she had been hiding through the entire encounter. " She's mellowed quite a bit. "

We all laughed for a moment before another voice from the crowd grabbed my attention.

" Is this going to be another one of those ? " Will muttered before we turned to the owner of the voice.

I shook my head and spun around, practically falling into Beaver's hug. " No, no this is Beaver. He's a good guy. " I told him over Beaver's shoulder, before I realized my feet were dangling off the floor.

" I've been called a lot of things, but that's a new one. " He laughed as he sat me down and extended his hand to Will. " Michael Dunning, or as everyone around here knows me, Beaver. "

Will shook his hand with a smile of his own. " Will Trevors. "

" It's nice to meet you, Will. " Then he turned to me. " How has our little Casey been doing ? "

" Who's asking ? " I wanted to know.

" I thought we were past that. " He put one hand out to me playfully and pointed to the name tag on his chest that read, simply_ Beaver. " _I'm Beaver. I'm sure you remember me. "

I laughed and batted his hand away. " You know what I mean. "

" I haven't seen him yet. " he answered immediately, telling me that he understood full well my meaning. " I mean, I talked to him last night and he's suppose to be here somewhere, but I haven't seen him yet. "

" Who is suppose to be here somewhere ? " Will asked, trying to figure out what we were talking about.  
Okay, so I hadn't told him everything about my past. There were still a few things I kept to myself and this was one of them. I hadn't really talked about him in years. That wasn't to say I hadn't thought about him. I thought about him almost daily.

_You think about him every time you look at Zach_, I told myself silently. But I quickly squashed that voice and smiled brightly. " Just a mutual friend. "

" Yeah, " Ashleigh muttered from Will's side.

" Ash, how have you been ? " Beaver said, hugging her as well.

" I've been good. My latest book just made the best seller list. " She told him as he put her down.

" That's great. I read a couple of your books. Lisa, my wife, she loves them. Can't believe I know you. I promised her I'd introduce you. " He glanced over his shoulder, " But I guess, she's off somewhere. "

" Well, " Ashleigh beamed. " I promise to seek her out. I always have time for a fan. "

He let his eyes fall back to me. " You still haven't told me how you're doing. "

" I'm good, great, in fact. " I answered. " We just finished the new line. It'll be out in a few weeks. "

" Lisa is also a big fan of yours. She has one of your dresses, cost me a fortune but she just had to have it. " he told me.

" You should have come to me. I would have given you a deal. " I said.

" I'll remember that next time, before I take out the second mortgage. "

I laughed along with him. " What are you doing now ? "

" I'm here, actually. I'm on the faculty. " I looked a little dumbfounded for a moment and I guess he caught it in my face. I just could not imagine Beaver teaching. " I'm the assistant football coach. We went to the Rose Bowl last year. "

" Oh, " I smiled in understanding. Now that, I could picture. " That's really impressive. "

" Yeah, we put together quite a team. We're really proud of the boys. " He puffed out his chest proudly.

I felt the smile slip from my face as I realized it was time. I couldn't put it off any longer. I had to ask about him. " How is he ? "

Beaver's face mirrored my own, all the mirth leaving it for a moment. Then it was replaced once again as if nothing had happened. " He's good. It was a bit scary for a minute, right after graduation, but he really pulled it together. I'm sure you know all about that though. "

I nodded. Of course I knew about that. Rusty was his other best friend. How could I not know about it? I was privy to every detail of the drama Cappie's life had become after graduation. Rusty kept me well informed. I knew about his short lived marriage and his messy divorce. I knew how he had almost ended a promising career before it even began with a bout of depression that he barely recovered from in time. I knew that he was better now. I knew he was directing once again. I had even seen a couple of his movies. Alright, I'd seen every one of them. I'd seen them all more than once. Zach was a huge fan. And I was glad for that. I was proud of Cappie. After a small hiccup, he had really made something of himself, and that surprised me. I know it shouldn't have and I felt bad for feeling that way.

" Alright, now I'm really curious. Who are we talking about ? " Will interjected.

" Cappie. " Ashleigh supplied immediately, staring over his shoulder. She wasn't answering his question like we all thought, she was trying to warn me.

" Who is Cappie ? " Will asked.

" That'd be me. "

His voice caused the bottom of my stomach to plummet past the floor and into the basement. I grabbed Will's hand without conscious thought and held to it for dear life. I even thought I heard him wince painfully. I kept my eyes from seeking his as long as I could without appearing rude and when I did look at him, I still couldn't force myself to meet his eyes, instead my gaze rested on his full, beautiful lips as they moved while he spoke.

" Hi, Casey. " Again, his voice, so familiar and strange at the same time, slide over me, causing a jolt through my body that I wasn't prepared for.

" Cap, how's it going ? " I managed.

Will was looking more confused than I had ever seen him. His eyes skipped from Cappie to me and back again. I knew he could sense something going on between us. He knew very well, this was not just some random college friend. I could tell when he looked at me that he knew this was the reason I had been so reluctant to come.

Cappie looked disappointed. " Come on. I've seen you give everyone else a hug, including Rebbecca. Surely you've got one for me. "

My legs felt like they were filled with lead and my feet like they were buried in quicksand as we closed the space separating us and I sank into his arms. His chest was strong and solid under my cheek as he held me tightly against him and his arms were warm and comforting as they rested on my back.

Then suddenly it was time and this was the moment I had been dreading since receiving the invitation in the mail. It wasn't the hug that had me so terrified. It was the letting him go once again. I wasn't sure I was strong enough to slip back out of his arms now that I had felt them again.

But he helped, sliding away from me slowly, but with a look on his face that said, it was just as hard for him as it was for me.

As I looked around me, pulling my gaze from his face, still refusing to meet his eyes, I noticed that we were suddenly very much alone. Will, Beaver and Ashleigh had disappeared from view in the few seconds we had spent hugging. Or was it longer ? Surely it wasn't that long. Maybe it was a little longer than it should have been, but still they must have smoke coming off their heels to disappear that quickly.

" Looks like we've been abandoned. " Cappie smiled, hesitantly.

" Yeah, looks like. " I agreed. I hated the nervousness in my voice and the shaking of my hands as I reached for my glass of punch.

" How have you been Casey ? I've heard the design world is treating you well enough. " he began with the small talk and I was relieved. I didn't want a heavy conversation right now.

" Yeah, it has. The new collection came together really well, with Will's help of course. " I was determined to use Will as a buffer whether he was there or not.

" Will ? Is that the guy that was here a minute ago ? " he asked, taking his own glass of punch.

" Yeah, he's my partner. " I nodded.

" Partner, partner or just partner ? " he smiled once again.

" Both. " I answered.

His face fell for a moment. Then the smile returned. " That's great. I'm glad things are going well for you. "

" Thank you. But what about you ? I heard you're latest movie is up for an Academy Award. That's awesome. You deserve it. " I beamed at him.

" Yeah, I'm pretty proud of it. We all worked hard. " He nodded, modestly. " So, you saw it ? "

" I've seen all of them. " I answered, shifting and looking at the floor again.

" Really ? I didn't figure they were your type. "

" I loved them. And I have a guy that just loves your work. He's your number one fan. Makes me take him to every one on opening night. " I said, before I realized the words were coming out of my mouth. I definitely was not going to discuss Zach with him. That was in no way a topic for conversation with Cappie.

" Well, that's nice to know. I love my fan's. They keep the checks coming in. "

Thankfully, Will and Ashleigh appeared at that moment, forcing the awkward conversation to an end.

" You must be Will. " Cappie said, turning his attention away from me, thankfully.

" I must be. " Will smiled smoothly and shook his hand, while at the same time sliding his other arm around my waist, once again, giving me a place to lean. And boy did I need a place at that moment.

I let my head fall against his shoulder, grateful for his presence and realized that I didn't tell him near enough how much I appreciated him.

" Casey was just telling me that you're a fan of my work. " Cappie announced.

I nudged Will then realized there was no need. Despite the fact that he had no idea what it was he was suppose to be a fan of, he fell right into his role as whatever I needed him to be without missing a beat.

" Oh, yeah. I'm a huge fan. I can't believe I'm getting a chance to meet you. It's an honor. "

" We should get together after all this. Later tonight, maybe have dinner ? " Cappie suggested.

" That sounds great. Rusty is dying to see you. " Ashleigh supplied before I had the chance to protest. And I gave her a look that said I was going to make her pay as soon as I got the chance.

" Great, I want to see him, too. He said he was bringing my Godson. "

" Jeremy is wonderful. He'll be at the picnic tomorrow. " I said, as cheerfully as I could manage.

The family picnic tomorrow afternoon had been planned to give everyone a chance to show off their bundles of joys. I knew Jenn and Rusty were excited by the opportunity to show Jeremy off. I however was dreading the event more than I had dreaded this particular get together.

" You are coming to the picnic, right ? " Ashleigh asked, quickly. " They've really been looking forward to it. They were so disappointed that you couldn't make it out to meet him before now. "

" So am I. I wouldn't miss it. I can't wait to meet him. " Cappie replied.

Great, so much for those silent prayers today. I was really hoping he would say he wasn't staying, or wouldn't be at the picnic. But apparently God had better things to do today than grant my humble requests, so I gave them up, for a moment anyway.

"Dobbler's. " I suggested. " We should hit Dobbler's after this. For old times sake. "

My motives were much more ulterior than all that. I knew what Ashleigh was playing at. I could just see myself forced into a private little, intimate dinner party with just Will, Ashleigh, Beaver and his wife, Rusty and Jenn, Cappie and me. While eight of us seemed like a descent number to lose myself in, I figured Dobbler's would be even more crowded, making it even easier to get lost.

" That sounds like a plan. I'm going to go find Beaver and Lisa. Tell him I'm looking for him, if he should pop up again. " Cappie said, before leaving with a tilt of his glass in my direction.

I heaved a great sigh of relief when I could no longer make out his retreating form. Thank God, it was over, for now at least.


	2. Chapter 2

Dobbler's, how many hours had I spent in this small, crowded, smoky little bar ? Being just a block away from campus, the clientèle was almost exclusively CRU students. If you were going off campus to hang out, it was Dobblers that you came to. If you were looking for a place to relax, kick back and have a beer, it was Dobblers. If you were looking for a change of scenery while studying, it was Dobblers. I had spent almost as much time here in my years at CRU as I had at my sorority house.

And it hadn't change at all. The pictures on the wall, the music in the jukebox, the people behind the bar, in ten years nothing had changed, or at least it seemed that way when I walked through the door.

In actuality, the people had changed, of course, the music was different, obviously. But in my mind, it was the same, old, comfortable, Dobblers.

I went to the bar and sank down a familiar stool and ordered, yep, a lemon drop. I hadn't had one in years. But there was no way I could resist in that atmosphere.

Will took a beer and we talked quietly between us as we waited for the rest of our party and our drinks.

" So, when we get back to L.A., we need to check on the new line one more time before I can be sure its ready for fashion week. " Will was saying. That was Will, it always came back to business with him.

" I'm not worried. I think it's fine. We're in good shape. " I assured him, squeezing his hand.

Personally, Will was my rock. Professionally, I was his.

" Excuse me, " Someone said, coming up behind me. I turned to a familiar face that I really couldn't place. I knew I knew him, I just couldn't remember from where.

" You're Casey Cartwright, right ? " he said.

" Yeah, I'm sorry. Do I know you ? " I asked, trying to not be rude. It was a little awkward though, obviously he was someone I should know.

" I'm Heath, Heath Turner. I'm a friend of Rusty and Cappie's. We were brothers. " he explained.

And instantly it hit me. Now I knew why I didn't recognize him. He was a bit heavier than the skinny boy I remembered, his muscles more defined, his face fuller and older. He looked so much older, but then Heath had had that kind of baby face that few manage to keep past their twenties.

" Yeah, Heath. Of course I remember you. I just didn't recognize you. You look so different. " I said, as I drew him into a hug. " How have you been ? "

" I've been good. I'm a staff writer for a national magazine. " he smiled, and I saw a little of that youthfulness in his eyes.

" What magazine ? "

" OUT. " He answered and I heard Will take in a breath.

" I subscribe to OUT. It's a great magazine. I've read your stuff. It's very informative. " Will said over my shoulder.

" This is Will Trevors, my partner. " I introduced them. " Will, this is Heath. "

And suddenly I was no longer a part of the conversation. The talk quickly turned to issues concerning gay men and as I wasn't a part of the group, I was slowly weeded out of the conversation.

I sat listening quietly as I sipped at my lemon drop and waited for the others to show up, giving an occasional nod to show I was, at least, trying to listen.

Then suddenly Will cleared his throat and apparently it occurred to him that outing himself was a little contrary to our plans, because he leaned towards Heath and whispered something quietly. Then he was once again at my side, being the image of the perfect boyfriend.

And it was just in time, too, as Asheigh was just coming through the door followed by Cappie. The two were talking animatedly about something until his eye caught mine. I watched hypnotized as a slow smile spread across his face and he glided, in that perfectly flawless, carefree way that was so Cappie, over to us.

He didn't stop at me though, he went to Heath and slapped him on the back, telling him how great he looked. I just watched. I loved watching him. He was always so open and happy, so stress free and weightless. I missed watching him.

" How are you holding up ? " Ashleigh asked in my ear.

" I'm fine. " I replied without taking my eyes from him.

" Be careful, Casey. " She warned still in a whisper. " You're going to get drool on your shoes. They look expensive. "

I nudged her with an elbow to the ribs and she spun away from me at the last second, as if she knew the attack was coming.

Rusty came in as I was imagining all the ways I was going to get my revenge on her and he had me in his arms moments later. We hadn't seen each other in months, both of us had busy careers and it just didn't seem like we could ever find the time to get together. I hated that. Rusty and I hadn't been close growing up. But we had developed quite a bond over our college years and the years that followed them. Russ had gotten me through a few of my darker moments and I was very grateful to him for being there for me.

He had no sooner pulled away to embrace Cappie, than I found myself struggling to try to wrap my arms around Jenn. She looked completely ridiculous, of course, the way all small women look at the end stages of pregnancy. Her round stomach a contrast to the rest of her much more petite body. She looked like she had just swallowed a basketball.

Cappie held her at arm's length after she was done with me and laughed. " Another one ? " he exclaimed. " How can you be having another one ? I haven't even gotten to meet the first one. If you keep it up at this pace, you'll have a baseball team. "

" Oh no, " Jenn laughed and hugged him. " We are stopping at this one for a minute anyway. "

" Yeah, I think that's what I remember you saying right after you had Jeremy. " I interjected.

" Well, I mean it this time. I can't handle three of them in diapers all at once. "

" Where's Jeremy tonight ? " Cappie asked. " You did bring him with you, didn't you ? "

" Oh, yeah. He's back at the ZBZ house. " Rusty explained. " The girls have offered their babysitting services to the visiting Alumni. So we took them up on it. Beaver was just dropping his two off while I was there. " He turned to me. " His oldest, and Zach really hit it off. "

"Who's Zach ? " Cappie asked, and Rusty instantly looked like he swallowed something terrible, like his foot.

Okay, it was time. Damn it. I was hoping it would wait until the picnic tomorrow, but apparently as I previously stated, my silents prayers were being ignored tonight.

I threw back the rest of my drink, and winced inwardly as I tried to mentally prepare myself for talking to Cappie about Zach. Just the sound of his name on Cappie's lips made my pulse race faster.

" Zach is my son. " I finally said as nonchalantly as I could manage.

His eyebrows shot up to his hairline. " You didn't say anything about having a son. When did this happen ? "

" It happened about eight years ago. " I answered.

Rusty, Jenn, Will and Ashleigh all looked at me curiously for a moment, but they hid it well and thankfully Cappie didn't notice. I couldn't, after all, tell him the truth. He wasn't stupid. He could do simple math and I did not want that equation even entering his mind.

" You need another drink. " Will grabbed my glass and stayed behind at the bar while we found a table a started to make ourselves comfortable.

Cappie managed to slip into the vacant chair beside me. He made it look accidental, but I knew him better than that.

He leaned towards me and gave me that wonderful smile, that I liked to think, back in school, he reserved just for me. " I've been wanting to get together with you. " He told me, while the others buzzed in the background, carrying on their own conversation.

" Really ? Why is that ? " I tried to keep my voice calm, but it came off as a bit nasally.

" I want to talk to you about doing some designs for my new picture. I'm looking for a top designer and your name came up. I thought it might be fun, us working together. " he explained. " I remember you telling me once a long time ago that you thought we made a pretty good team. "

I remembered that day as well. It was the day that he told me he pictured himself with me ten years in the future. The irony hadn't escaped me and from the look in his eyes, it hadn't escaped him either.

" I don't know Cappie. We're really swamp right now with getting the new line out. I'm not sure we have time to take on a new project right now. Beside, custom design isn't really my thing. "

It sounded like a brush off even to my own ears and I watched the smile begin to slip from his face.

Damn it, why was it always so impossible for me to say no to him ? " Let me discuss it with Will. Maybe we can work something out. "

There, I did it. The smile returned full form and I returned it in spite of myself. I was very much not certain I wanted to start a project with Cappie. It would mean months of working with him, being around him, seeing him almost daily.

" It wouldn't be for some time still. We are still making adjustments to the script and working on the casting. I know Will said you were planning on getting married after you got the new line out. I don't want it to interfere with that, of course. "

I nodded, but didn't comment. Somehow it made me feel better to know I wasn't out right lying to him. I was simply letting him make his own assumptions and I wasn't correcting them. Okay, it was the same as lying. I realized that. I knew it deep down, yet it still made me feel better.

" So tell me about Zach. What's he like ? "

He's just like you, was my silent answer, the one my heart ached to tell him. But I didn't. Instead I said, " He's great. He's smart and funny. Loves football. Loves your movies. The vampire series you did, he couldn't get enough of them. "

" Isn't he a little young for all that violence ? " he asked and my heart flipped at how concerned he sounded.

" Yeah, that's what I thought, too. But his Uncle decided that he could handle it and once he watched the first one, he was hooked. "

Rusty perked up at hearing his name and gave a sheepish smile. " I know. I've corrupted him. I'm a bad Uncle. "

Will rejoined us and took the chair on the other side of me just as Beaver and his wife, Lisa came over.

I couldn't remember the last time I had had so much fun, laughed so much, or had so much to drink, for that matter. That was mostly due to Will. Every time my glass got empty he was jumping up to get a refill. I suspected this had a little something to do with Heath, who was still sitting at the bar, talking to someone I didn't recognize.

I was definitely beginning to feel the effects of the many drinks I had consumed before long. My head has spinning. A general sense of euphoria invaded my body, causing my muscles to relax and my bones to turn to rubber.

I stood from the table and announced that I needed a little fresh air, before walking, or rather, stumbling outside for a moment.

I barely made it out when the door opened behind me and turned to glance over my shoulder, to find Cappie standing there.

" I'm sorry, I didn't think you should be on your own out here. You've had a little to drink." he smiled, apologetically.

Normally I would have panicked at the idea of being alone with him with my safety net so far away. My eyes strayed to the window and I could see Will, once again by the bar with Heath. A heavy sigh gave me a heady feelings as it shook my shoulders. I leaned back against the wall and regarded the man in front of me.

I didn't know how it was possible, but it really didn't seem to me that he had changed. Ten years of experiences should have shown on his face, given him a few lines, made him appear older. But it hadn't. His face was still so young and youthful. His eyes, so very blue and clear and bright. Perhaps it was that carefree way of his. Maybe that was why he hadn't appeared to age a day since the last time I saw him.

My mind drifted back to that night, the night after graduation unbidden and from the way he was looking at me, so had his ...

He was sitting in the backyard of the Kappa Tau house, alone, finishing off a beer and staring sadly up at the sky above him.

I had said all my goodbyes at the ZBZ house. All my things we packed. My replacement was settling in nicely. I had even gotten in my car and started to leave. But as I pulled away from the campus, I couldn't get past the feeling that I was forgetting something so monumentally important, I had to turn around. I wasn't even consciously aware of where I was going until my car pulled into the driveway of the Kappa Tau house. It wasn't until that moment that my conscious mind figured out what was bothering me so much.

I'd said goodbye to him the night before. The Kappa's had, of course, thrown the party to end all parties to send off one of their most adored presidents. Ashleigh talked me into going. I hadn't intended to.

After Evan and I broke up in my second year, I turned to Cappie for a while. But of course things had ended up the same as they had Freshman year. I couldn't get past the immaturity. I couldn't get past the feeling that I was the only grown up in our relationship. It had ended worse the second time than it had the first. There was yelling and cursing and a lot of saying things neither of us really meant.

I was devastated. It had taken a lot longer to get over him the second time. I had barely managed the whole thing with my dignity in tact, in fact.

After that, after the breakup, we rarely saw each other. I think we were avoiding each other, to be honest. I had seen him a couple times almost walk into Dobblers or Starbucks when I was there and he had turned the other direction when he saw me. I'd done the same. It was just too painful to be around him anymore. There was too much raw emotion there.

But that night, my last night on at school, my last chance to see him, I knew I needed to work past the pain and try to find some kind of closure with him.

That was my intention. I needed a proper ending for the chapter of my life that was Cappie. I needed to find a way to move on, forward, instead of lingering in the past.

He heard me approach. I know he did because a small smile began to play at the corners of his mouth, but he didn't move, didn't acknowledge my presence in any other way except to scoot a chair away from the table for me with his foot. Like he had been sitting back here, expecting me.

" I just came to say goodbye. " I told him, taking the chair he offered.

" You said goodbye last night. " He still didn't look at me.

" Yeah, but I thought you and I deserved more than a quick hug and a ' see you around'. " I explained.

Finally, his head came up and his eyes found mine with such an intensity it almost took my breath. "I'm not so sure about that. Maybe it would have been best with a nice, simple little, ' see you around'. I'm not sure I can take anything more. "

I was a bit startled by his honesty. Cappie not making light of a heavy situation was a scary thing. But I understood what he was saying. I wasn't sure I was going to make it through this with my heart in tact either. But it had to be done. " Do you want me to leave ? " I asked, already knowing he wouldn't say yes.

" If you do, who's going to help me eat the chocolate silk pie in the fridge ? " he smiled, but it wasn't his usual easy smile, there was a sadness in his eyes that I couldn't stand to see.

I forced a chuckle. " You bought a pie. It sounds like you were expecting me. "

" No, I made a pie, as a matter of fact, and of course I was expecting you. I knew you couldn't leave for good without coming here first. "

" I hate that you know me that well. " I commented.

" No, you don't. "

I thought about that, really trying to analyze what I was feeling. Did I really hate that he knew me so well ? No, I decided, I didn't hate it. I hated feeling like I should hate it. I hated myself for falling so completely in love with someone so incredibly wrong for me. I hated myself for letting this whole thing with Cappie get as far as it did. I knew, four years before, when I first met him, I knew it would never work between us. That didn't stop me from loving him. It didn't stop me from wanting to be with him. I just stopped me from being able to give him the one thing he wanted from me. All of me.

" I guess you're right. Maybe I don't hate it. " I muttered as I stared up at the sky to keep from looking at him.

I heard his chair move an instant before I felt his much larger hand cover mine. The warmth of it nearly took my breath away. He exuded so much heat, like he had fire running in his veins.

I didn't pull away, it was the last thing from my mind, in fact, but he took a firm hold like he was afraid I was going to try. I guess experience had taught him that if he didn't hold me tight, I'd slip away every time.

That was a sad thought. It seemed like the perfect lament for our topsy turvy relationship. He was always trying to keep a hold on me and I was always slipping away.

" I'm really glad you came, Casey. " His voice was rough and emotional, so foreign and strange to my ears. I turned my head so I could see him but he was looking away again as well, so I turned back to the sky.

" I couldn't not come. I had to. " was my simple answer.

I hadn't noticed it before but a radio was playing quietly from the table beside him. He reached over and turned it up as a song we both liked came on.

The next thing I knew he was on his feet, looking down at me. " Would you dance with me one last time ? "

I didn't answer him, but my body moved on its on, knowing what it wanted and taking it without my consent. I figured that must be what it was like when you were starving to the point of death. I imagined your body would just take over, in spite of your mind, taking what it needed regardless of what you thought of it.

His arms came around me and I was suddenly surrounded by him. He was all I could see, all I could smell and hear and feel. I have no idea what song was playing. I couldn't recall it if my life depended on it. It wasn't important. What was important was that my mind was taking in every memory of him it could store. The way his hand felt where it rested against my back. The way his breath felt brushing across my ear as he breathed softly. The way his chest vibrated against me as he hummed along with the song. It was registering every little detail, enabling me to take him with me through whatever journey life had in store for me.

But it wanted more. I wanted more.

I was surprised to find I was the one that made the first move, attacking his lips with a passion that was not normal for me. But I couldn't help myself. I needed him. I needed the memory of all of him. That was what had made me turn around. That's why I came back, though I didn't know it at the time.

For once my mind and body were on the same page, though their motives were different. The end results were the same. My mind needed to remember him, so it could be sure it would never forget. My body just needed to feel him again, one last time, to feel that perfect blend that we always managed.

My soul screamed out at the thought that I might never find that again. That I might never know how it felt to truly feel complete again.

" Casey, " he whispered against my shoulder as he began to lay soft kisses on my skin. The sound caused chills through my entire body. God, I loved the husky, growling sound of his voice when we were like this. It always took my passion to another level when he whispered my name like that.

Before I knew what was happening, he had me in his arms, carrying me through the dark interior of the house and upstairs to his room. I clung to him, clutching at his shoulders and not letting his mouth leave mine for longer than it took to catch a breath.

He stopped outside his door and paused for a moment. Pulling his lips from mine, he looked down at me with such passion and love in his eyes it scared me. " If you want to leave, to back out, now is the time. Tell me and I'll put you down, say goodbye and we can leave it at that. "

My only answer was to reach out and turn the doorknob, opening the door for him.

" Casey, are you okay ? " His voice brought me plummeting back to the present and I blinked away the blurriness from my eyes.

" Yeah, I'm okay. " I answered, half heartedly.

" Are you sure ? You don't look fine." His hand was clasped around my upper arm and I realized a little embarrassedly that he was partially holding me upright.

But then his other arm came around my shoulder, brushing over the bare skin of my back and my mind flew back to the night and all the other nights that I had spent in his arms.

I gasped and felt myself falling forward against him, burying my head in his chest and breathing in as much of his scent as I could.

When I looked up into his face, I found him looking down at me with that same familiar fire that he had years before. Then I was raising myself up on my tiptoes in an effort to get to his lips.

Then everything seemed to go into slow motion as his mouth hovered a mere centimeter from mine as we just stood there looking at each other.

The sounds from the street faded, the noise from the crowd inside the bar, slipped away. All I could hear was my heart pounding in my ears. After ten long, miserably lonely years, I was back in Cappie's arms. I was home.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N- Finally I can log onto my account again. I don't know how long it will last but at least I got this chapter uploaded. Sorry it took so long. Blame the site, not me. Hope you enjoy. **

At first I didn't understand what was happening. One moment my mind was buzzing pleasantly with the feelings of euphoria that liquor and being held by Cappie had created. The next I was spinning around to the sound of someone calling my name. All the warmth left my body as Cappie pulled away from be so abruptly I stumbled in my inebriated state and he had to grab my arm to catch me.

" I was wondering what happened to you. " Will said, taking me from the one person I wanted to hold me and gathering me to him instead.

I tossed him a look that said quite plainly I was going to kill him the next time we were alone together. I caught a grimace trace across his face and knew that my meaning wasn't lost on him.

" I needed a bit of fresh air. " I commented blandly.

He looked down at me, amusement clearly evident in his eyes. " Yeah, I think maybe what you need is a bed. You've had a little too much to drink, my Dear. "

Cappie was shuffling slowly away from us, expanding the distance between us with every move. I wanted to scream at him to stop, to tell him that I didn't want him to go, but I didn't. I couldn't. Cappie was dangerous. And deep down I knew I needed to keep myself apart from him.

" I think maybe you're right. Will you take me back to the hotel ? "

Will nodded and inclined his head towards Cappie. " Thank you. I appreciate you looking after her like that. Let everyone know that we'll see them tomorrow at the picnic ? "

He gave a half hearted salute. " Anytime. Once upon a time, it was kinda my thing. And yeah, I'll tell them. " Then he turned and went back inside without another look back.

" You have the worst timing in the world. " I complained. " All I needed was one more minute. Just one more. "

He turned me towards him so that he was looking directly into my face. " Is that what you really want, Casey ? " he asked, " If it is, I'll back off. I'm only here because you asked me to be. If you don't want me here let me know. "

I buried my head in his shoulder and let out an exhausted breath. " No, of course that isn't what I want. Cappie just makes me crazy. He clouds everything up. "

" I wondered why you never mentioned this guy before. Now I get it. I never pictured you as one of those before. " He mused.

" One of what ? What are you talking about ? " I demanded feeling myself getting angry.

" You still have a thing for your old college flame. Now I get why you're still alone, never married, turning down ever guy that asks you out. " he answered.

I realized that we were moving down the street, heading towards his car and I planted my heels, not ready to leave yet. " Piss off, Will. " I hissed. " My being alone has nothing to do with Cappie. I'm just concentrating on my career right now. I don't want to be distracted. "

He laughed. He was laughing at me and I wanted to slug him. " That is such a load, an easy excuse. "

" Will you please stop ? I don't need to be analyzed right now. I'm just drunk and tired and I want to go home. " I whined.

" Alrighty, then. Let's get you to bed. " He was still laughing as he opened the car door for me.

It was so bright and sunny and beautiful it was like the weather itself was mocking me, having a big joke at my expense. I was in no mood for bright and sunny. I was definitely feeling more like thunderstorms and gloom and lots and lots of clouds.

But there it was shiny down at me, the sun full and huge in the cloudless blue sky. As if saying, ha, I don't care what kind of mood you're in, I'm happy, so there !

I looked over at the handsome, sandy haired young man sitting on the bench beside me eating an ice cream cone and finally I relented and smiled. His feet were dangling above the ground, although not far above it. He was going to be tall, like his father and his messy hair was falling into his eyes, just like his father's. And when he looked over at me and smiled back, he had ice cream on his nose, just like his father did when eating a cone. God ! How was that even possible ? Okay, the hair I got. The eyes, of course, sure they were the same sapphire blue and so emotional and expressive. I understood that. Genetics, I get that. But how was it even remotely possible that he ate ice cream the same way. That he sat the same way, with one leg tugged under him most of the time. That he walked the same, with that casual, loping gate that said he didn't have a care in the world.

How was all that possible ? He had never met his father. He didn't know him. How could he be so very much like him ?

" What did I do ? " Zach asked as he rubbed his sleeve across his nose to remove the cold wetness.

I shook my head and tousled his hair. " Nothing. I was just looking at you. "

" Well, quit. It makes me feel weird. When is Uncle Rusty getting here ? "

" He's probably already here. " I answered. " They just haven't found us yet. "

" Can I go look for him ? "

" Are you done with your ice cream ? " I looked at the melting cone in his sticky hand and grimaced.

" Yeah, I'm done. Can I go find Uncle Rusty ? "

" Go wash your hands in that bathroom first. " I pointed to the restroom not far from me. " Then yes, if you don't go too far, you can go look for them. "

He darted away from me like he always did, running a mile a minute. I was fairly certain he had not stopped moving since before he was born. He was a whirlwind, constantly in motion, until finally he fell asleep exhausted. And that was the exact way of it. One minute he was talking or playing and the next he was just out, so quick I could barely keep up.

I watched him go into the restroom and emerge a few minutes later. He swept past me with his hands spread out for me to inspect as he flew by. I laughed as he moved out of my sight.

Then the worrying began. And I had to stop myself, push it back down where it belonged. But it was hard. I raised him most of his life in L.A.. There, there was no way I would have let him out of my site for even a moment in a crowded park. But this was different. It was like a different planet in fact. Here I could afford him a little of the independence he always craved. And despite the crowded condition, these people weren't stranger, not really. Everywhere I looked was another familiar, albeit, older face.

So I forced myself to sit back and relax, taking in the sun in all its mockery.

I was barely alone for a minute before I heard Ashleigh giggling and Will's boisterous laughter approaching the bench.

" Where's Zach ? " Will asked as he sat on one side of me and Ashleigh took the other.

" He went to find Rusty and Jenn. " I said, tiredly.

" How are you feeling this morning ? " Ashleigh asked a little louder than was necessary. " Are we realizing we aren't as young as we once were ? "

I hadn't woken up with a hang over and I informed her of it smugly.

" Well that's good. " she commented, though her tone said just the opposite. She was disappointed at not being able to torture me all day. Ah, friendship. " Are you flipping out right now ? "

I turned towards her and eyed her carefully. " Why would I be flipping out ? "

" Well, it's just a matter of time before Cappie meets Zach for the first time. That has to be a scary thing. "

Still I eyed her. " Why would that be a scary thing ? "

She cut her eyes over her shoulder like she was afraid of being overheard. " You know. "

I sighed in exasperation. " Ashleigh, what exactly are you expecting to happen here ? Do you think Cappie is going to take one look at him and just know ? "

She shrugged. " It could happen. "

" Maybe in one of your books, but not in real life it doesn't. I'm sure it will be fine. " I was so very, very proud of myself. I sounded like I believed every word I had just said. I sounded convincing and not even the least bit worried. Man, I was a good liar. " Besides, " I continued. " What makes you think you know who Zach's father is anyway. "

She looked at me like I had just grown a brand new head and she wasn't amused by it. " You're kidding, right ? I'm not really supposed to answer that, am I ? "

" What does that mean ? I told I didn't know for sure who is father was. " I demanded.

" Yeah, and I bought that right until he stopped looking like an alien and started looking like a real boy. Now, I mean, look at him. "

Great, everyone else had noticed it, too. This was not going to go well for me.

" What do you mean ? Does he have a sign written on him that I haven't seen ? " I asked, trying to brush it all off, pretend like it wasn't there. I was very good at ignoring the huge pink elephant sitting in the middle of the room. I prided myself on that fact.

Will put his hand on my shoulder. " Honey, I have only met the man twice, but even I can see it. He's like a mini him. Same hair, same eyes, same nose, It's all there, just a little smaller. In fact, are you sure he's yours ? "

I laughed sarcastically. " Very funny. Do you think Cappie will notice ? "

Now I sounded worried.

" Um, " Ashleigh worried her bottom lip between her teeth. " I think we are about to find out. "

I looked over to where she was looking and my heart sunk into my stomach, did a flip and returned to my chest, beating wildly from its antics. Then my tongue filled my throat to the point that I felt like I couldn't breath. Will was squeezing my shoulder,but even that was a vague impression, like he was far away.

Walking towards us, with Jeremy on his hip and my child's hand in his, was Cappie. Rusty and Jenn were trailing along behind him. But he was in front, letting Zach pull him along as he babbled wildly.

The smile on his face was priceless. It was so familiar and strange at the same time.

For a moment I didn't know where I was, everything faded from my view except for him and Zach hurrying up to me. It was like I was lost in the many, many dreams I had experienced of this exact moment.

" I think I found something that belongs to you. " he said as he came close enough for us to hear.

" Yeah, Most of the time, I claim that. " I forced a smile and grabbed Zach as soon as he was close enough, pulling him to me tightly.

" Only most of the time. " He let his eyes fall to Zach. " Don't tell me you give your poor Mother trouble ? "

" No more than any normal hyperactive boy with only a loose concept of how to follow the rules. " I answered. Now the smile was easy. Talking about Zach always made the smile come easy.

" That sounds very familiar. " Cappie mused as he handed Jeremy back to his father.

And the smile was gone, the heart thumping was back, though with a vengeance.

" Well, he is just a little smarter that is good for him, I think. " Will commented.

Cappie dropped down to the grass in front of us and smiled brighter. " Again, that sounds familiar. "

I nudged Will. He wasn't helping. God, what did Zach do that was totally unlike Cappie. I racked my brain and came up with nothing. Okay time to stop talking about Zach.

" I see you finally met your Godson. " I nodded towards Jeremy who was wiggling around so much in Rusty's arms, he barely had a good hold on him.

" Yeah, we met, had a talk. He pulled my hair, burped in my face, then spit up a little on my shirt. I think we're going to get along just fine. It was like he already knew me. " Cappie laughed.

After a few welcome back speeches and all the food we could possibly want, provided by several of the Fraternities and Sororities on campus, I spent the rest of the afternoon watching Cappie rolling around in the grass with Jeremy and playing Frisbee with Zach and Beaver's two kids.

It was in these hours that the guilt set in. It was completely obvious to anyone that saw him, how very much he was enjoying playing with the kids, letting them climb on him, picking them up, pushing them on the swing set, sending them rocketing down the slide. I had robbed him of all that. I took it away from him, without even waiting for hear what his opinion was. Seeing him with Jeremy was the hardest. Those were the moment I stole from him, down on all fours, letting the baby ride on his back, getting him down in the grass and tickling him like crazy. I took all that away from him, selfishly.

Then another thought occurred to me as Zach joined in with the tickling. I had robbed him, too. Cappie would have been a wonderful father, someone Zach could have really looked up to. But the timing had been so bad. By the time I found out I was pregnant, Cappie was marrying a Vegas showgirl he had only known a few weeks and starting his own life. I couldn't bring myself to ruin everything for him.

But as I looked at the two of them, playing in front of me, I realized that there was no way Zach could have ruined Cappie life. I had been wrong.

" You look pretty far away. " Will said, over my shoulder. " Care to share ? "

" I should have told him. " I muttered vacantly. " I should have told him about Zach in the beginning. "

" Yeah, " Will answered. " You probably should have, but you didn't and it's done. There is no going back now. So, suck it up, Sparky. And go play with your men. "

That was Will. The perfect answer as usual. I loved him because of that. There was no coddling with Will, no pitying allowed. He just told me like it was and left it at that, for me to either take or not, my choice. And this time, I took it.

I took it gleefully, flinging myself in the middle of what was apparently a dog pile on Zach as everyone from Beaver's kids to Rusty and Cappie to Jeremy was launching themselves at my laughing, squirming son.

I found myself laying on my back, the smell of the grass filling my nose, a body laying over me. My eyes were closed and the sound of laughter from every direction assaulted my brain. I had never had so much fun.

Then I let out an, " Humph, " as a much larger body landed over mine and I opened my eyes to find myself looking up at Cappie as he looked down at me with a laugh on his lips that died the moment I opened my eyes.

Time literally stopped. Every other nose and smell and feeling was suddenly non-existent. All I could take in was the smell of his cologne, the feel of his body pressing into mine and the look in his eyes that said he felt exactly the same way.

It was just us there for what seemed an eternity.

Then just as quickly as the night before it was over when a random knee collided with my side and I jerked out from under him with a cry of pain.

I cursed silently and wanted nothing more than to climb back under his heavy protective body for just a few more moments, but it was too late, once again, the spell was broken.


	4. Chapter 4

Night time had fallen over the park and the stars were twinkling overheard while the moon sat fat and full in the corner of the sky, watching us. It had been a while since I actually saw stars and the moon really. L.A. Was more about smog and so many lights it made the stars pale in comparison.

So here I was, leaning with my back against the rough bark of a tree, staring at the stars and listening to the live band that had sat up earlier.

Rusty and Jenn had long since taken the kids back to the hotel. Ashleigh and her friend Calvin were dancing slowly on the improvised dance floor. And I had lost Will hours ago. I had no idea where he took off too, but I hadn't seen him.

I was just contemplating getting to my feet and heading home when I felt someone flop down beside me. And I knew who it was without even having to glance in his direction. The smell of his cologne hit me at once. God, how I missed that smell.

" Whatcha doin' sitting here all alone in the dark. " Cappie asked as he nudged my knee with his.

I tossed him a smile. " I'm looking at the stars. I miss the stars. "

" I missed the stars, too. The last time I paid them any attention was my last night here. " He mused.

" I remember. They were beautiful that night. "

I felt his hand close over mine and my stomach lunged at the contact. He was so warm still.

" You were beautiful that night. " His breath skirted over my shoulder and up the side of my neck and I hiccuped as my lungs refused to work for a moment. " I think everything was beautiful that night. "

" Yeah, it was. It was the perfect goodbye. " I managed though I was swallowing my tongue.

He moved away from me and cleared his throat, obviously trying to get himself under control and it gave me the opportunity to do the same thankfully.

" So, you and Will, huh ? How did that happen ? "

" We work together. I met him in design school. " I answered. " We haven't been apart since. It just works, I guess. "

Cappie chuckled. " I'm really sorry to have to be the one to tell you this, Case. " My heart jumped at the sound of his nickname for me. It has been so very long since I heard him say it. " But something tells me this isn't going to be as much of a shock as it should be. "

I turned my eyes to his, studying his face. Did he know about Zach ? Fear raced through me instantly, turning my blood to ice.

" Your fiance was been hiding in the woods with Heath Turner for the last couple of hours. " He whispered in my ear. " I think he might be gay. "

I was mortified and wanted nothing more than to crawl under the nearest biggest rock and hide for the rest of my life.

" Now, don't go looking like that. " He smiled at me, as he patted my knee which I had drawn up to my chest. " I'm sure he was going to tell you himself before the wedding. "

He was teasing me, mocking me. I tried to get to my feet, but he stopped me by refusing to move his hand from my leg. " Don't go. "

I looked at him and I saw that all the merriment was gone from his face. " I'm sorry. I shouldn't have teased you. I just don't understand. Why would you lie to all of us about getting married ? "

" I didn't lie to everyone. Asheigh and Rusty and Jenn all know that he's just my partner. "

A frown furrowed his brow and he dropped his eyes to the ground. " So it was really just me you lied to. You brought him here to let me know that you weren't available. "

" That isn't why I did it. " I protested but we both knew it was.

" Why are you always running away from me ? " he demanded as he pulled back and looked at me with intense eyes. " What do you find so repulsive about me that you would lie to keep me away from you ? Am I that terrible ? "

My breath caught in my chest. And I felt my eyes water. " Of course not, Cappie. I have never found you the least bit repulsive, which is why I lied. I needed a buffer. " I tried to explain.

" A buffer. " His voice was low and quiet now. " You needed a buffer so I wouldn't just come up to you and do this - "

He was on me before I realized what was happening and I found myself clinging to him desperately, holding him against me, refusing to let him go, not that he was trying. His hands started out cupping my face but soon they were tangled in my hair as his lips plundered mine for what seemed an eternity. I completely forgot how to breath in those all to brief moments. I forgot how to think as well. All that existed for me was him and the feelings he was creating throughout my body.

When he finally, reluctantly pulled away it was with a smug satisfied smile. " See, now then, that didn't hurt at all. "

I stared at him for a long time, just looking at his face that hadn't seemed to age.

" Well, say something. " he teased as the smile began to slip from his lips.

I couldn't say anything though. I was totally incapable of speaking. All I could think of was how much I needed him to still be kissing me, still be holding me. So I answered him the only way I could. I grabbed the lapels of his jacket and pulled him back to me.

My hand was pressed against his chest and I could feel the rapid rhythm of his heartbeat matching my own. Suddenly I didn't want to be out in the open in the middle of the park. I wanted to be somewhere dim and quiet and most of all devoid of everyone but him.

I pulled away long enough to tell him that but all that actually came out was, " Get me out of here. "

It was the longest car ride of my life. I kept glancing over at him as his eyes stayed glued to the road in front of him. His hand rested on my leg, like once again, he was afraid if he didn't hold me down, I would fly away. But this time I wasn't going anywhere. I knew what I wanted and it was him. It had always been him. I was stupid for not admitting it sooner. I was an idiot for letting him go like I had. One word from me that night all those years ago and I could have shared the last ten years with him. The two of us raising Zach the way it should have been. I couldn't explain why the thought of that terrified me so much. Was I so selfish that I couldn't share my son with his father ? Was that what kept me from telling him about Zach years ago ?

No, I knew why I hadn't told him. I hadn't told him because he wasn't ready to be a father then. Was he now ? Should I tell him the truth now ? And could I take it if he ran away screaming from the thought of fatherhood ?

His hand slipped a little further up my thigh and he squeezed it lightly as he pulled into the hotel parking lot. I glanced into his face and the look of complete concentration I saw there caught me off guard.

It was with a measured calmness that he parked the car, came around to my door and helped me out, then took my hand as we made our way up the stairs to his room. He didn't say a word, make a sound or even look at me.

I was almost alarmed by his behavior. I had never seen him act that way before. Then he stopped outside his room and turned to me, still with utter calmness.

" I have to know before we go inside, is this going to just be another trip down memory lane for us, another goodbye ? Because I can't do this if it is. We have to stop here and I'll walk you to your room and say goodnight. " He paused and reached a shaking hand up to brush the hair from my shoulder. " I just can't take you walking away from me again, Casey. "

I considered his words carefully. Was I willing to put myself out there once again with him ? Was it our time finally ? Could we manage to get it right after all these years ? I had to know if he was ready to accept all of me and everything that I brought along.

" Are you sure you want me now ? It's not just me anymore. I come with attachments now. " I asked in a choked voice, dreading his answer.

He smiled, to my surprise and it threw me off balance. " You mean Will ? I think I can accept Will. He seems like a nice guy. "

I batted his shoulder, but somehow this time I wasn't angry at him like I usually was when he tried to make a joke to lighten a heavy situation. Perhaps we had both grown up a little.

" You know what I mean. " I told him.

" Oh, Zach. I'm betting Zach and I will get along great together. I'm looking forward to getting to know him. " His voice dropped to almost a whisper. " After all, we have so much in common, and he's such a bog guy for an eight year old. "

He knew.


	5. Chapter 5

I couldn't make myself move or even speak for a long time, long enough that he finally took my hand and kissed the back of it gently.

" Are you okay ? " He asked when I still said nothing and remain perfectly still.

" You aren't mad ? " I countered disbelieving.

" About what ? " he shrugged as if I just asked him if the weather suited him.

I sighed in exasperation and pulled my hand out of his. " That I didn't tell you about him before. That I didn't find you when I found out I was pregnant. " I babbled on as my thoughts spun out of control.

He put my shoulders in his hands and forced me to look at him. " So he really is mine ? "

The words hit me like a fist in the stomach. He had been working a hunch. He hadn't really known for sure. And now it was out there and I couldn't back my way out. It was too late to try and play it cool now.

I just nodded. It was all I could manage at the moment. I could find no words to say, nothing to make the situation any better.

He let me go and unlocked the door behind him. Then he grabbed my hand, ushering me inside before shutting it with a soft click.

" How could you not tell me, Casey ? " He demanded as he spun around on me.

Ah, there was the reaction I was expecting. This one I could deal with. The calmness had scared me. But I was accustomed to anger. I could handle anger.

" By the time I found out, you were married. What was I supposed to do, show up on the doorstep of your happy little home and announced that I was about to have your child ? "

His eyes darkened and he moved forward a step, coming well into my personal space, but I didn't flinch away from him and I was very proud of that fact.

" I had a right to know. It might have changed everything if I had known. " He breathed down on me and talked through gritted teeth.

" You're right, " I answered, flashing angry eyes at him. " It might have changed everything for you and that is exactly why I didn't tell you. "

He stomped away from me and flung himself on the bed that sat in the center of the room. " What the hell is that supposed to mean ? Are you saying you were happy when you found out how bad my marriage turned out ? "

I went to him and sat beside him. " Of course not, Cappie. That isn't what I'm saying at all. " I explained. " But I am happy about the way the rest of your life has turned out. You're a success. Can you honestly tell me you would have had the opportunity to be a success if you had a child you had to take care of ? I've kept up with you through Rusty. I know it was hard getting where you are now. You wouldn't have made it if Zach and I had been around to worry about. "

He turned his eyes to me. " You can't know that. "

" I know that you weren't ready to be a father."

He was on his feet in a flash, pacing like a caged animal. " And you were ready to be a mother ? " He hissed. " Besides, it wasn't your place to make that determination. You had no right to keep him from me like that. Think about all I've missed. "

I did think about it and it hurt. I knew I had robbed him. My earlier thoughts at seeing them playing together came crashing back on me.

I came to my feet shakily and moved to stand in front of him as I took his hands in mine and looked in his face, so twisted with anger and hurt I barely recognized him at all.

" Cappie, I know. You are absolutely right. I robbed you of so much. I can't ever give that time back to you. I will never be able to make that up. " I drew a deep breath into my lungs and tried to steady myself. Guilt racked me as I watched him, watching me so intently. " What can I do to make this right ? How can I make it better ? "

He said nothing, choosing instead to simply stand there, stock still, staring at me. I fought against the urge to squirm under his scrutiny. But then suddenly he pulled his hands out of mine and turned his back to me, walking away, distancing himself from me.

" It's the funniest thing. " He muttered more to himself than to me. " I am so mad at you right now, but when you get close to me all I can still think about is kissing you again. "

I had no idea how to respond to that. I knew what I wanted to do. I wanted to be close to him again. I wanted him to kiss me again and tell me that we would work everything out. I wanted another chance with him. I wanted that more than anything.

He spun towards me so abruptly I nearly jumped. " Can you please tell me why it is that every time I get near you I just want to touch you ? It's all I think about when you're in the same room with me. Hell, it's all I've thought about since you came back into my life. And I can't make it stop. Even now, I'm barely fighting the urge to grab you and kiss you again. "

" I don't know why. " I answered. " But I feel it too. "

He was there again, crossing the distance that he had put between us in a single stride and burying his hands in my hair as he devoured my lips with his. I grabbed to him, clutching his shoulders desperately, terrified that his anger with me would win out and he would let me go any second.

I could almost feel the conflict inside him like it was a physical thing I could hold in my hands. He wanted so badly to be angry with me. His shoulders were so tense they were like a rubber band stretched to its limits. The tension ran throughout his body, I could feel it pressed against mine and I knew it was just a matter of time before it snapped. His muscles rippled under my fingertips. His hands held me so tightly it was almost painful.

But under the tension there was a desperation in him, something I had never felt before. I was drowning in the passion that was rolling off him in waves. I wasn't sure I had ever been part of something so intense before. A breath stealing intensity that would have knocked me off my feet if he hadn't been holding me so firmly. My knees were weak, my stomach flopped and for a moment I forgot where I was, I forgot who I was. I felt like I was suddenly part of something so much bigger than myself. It was surreal. Like standing on the ocean shore and realizing just how small and insignificant you really are. The power of the emotions he put forth through his kiss was mind numbing.

I pulled back, almost scared of him and badly needing to breath. As I stood there panting, I watched several expressions cross his face as he looked back at me, none of them I could identify.

It was funny, I used to be able to tell exactly what he was thinking just by the look in his eyes, but now too many years had caused a shadow over my memory. I wasn't quite able to read him like I once had and it was driving me crazy.

" Please, " I whispered into the dimness of the room. " Say something. Tell me what you're thinking. "

He smiled down at me sadly. " I'm thinking so many things right now, its hard to put them into words. I don't know what to say. "

" Then how am I supposed to know what to do ? I don't know whether I should leave or stay. " I pulled out of his arms and went to the bed to sit. " You have every reason to hate me. You should hate me right now. I would know what to do if you hated me. "

He let out a chuckle and it instantly drew my eyes to his face once again. " I could never hate you. After all that we've been through together, I have never hated you. " He told me. " Being mad at you isn't the same thing. "

" Are you mad at me ? " I asked. " Because that didn't feel like angry just now. "

He sighed loudly and turned away once again to resume his pacing, though this time it didn't carry the agitation it had early. Now it seemed more like it was giving his feet something to do instead. " I don't really know how I feel. I know how I should feel. I should feel lied to and betrayed. " He ran his hands through his hair roughly, tiredly. " Maybe I'm just so used to feeling betrayed by you that it doesn't register anymore. "

I jumped to my feet, astounded at his words. " I have never betrayed you. " I insisted.

" Didn't you ? " He turned to me. " How do you think I felt when you left me in freshman year and ended up on Chambers' arm by the end of the week ? " I blinked, trying to push back the tears his words were ripping from my eyes. But he continued and I was helpless to fight them any longer. " How do you think I felt when you spent the night with me just to get revenge on him for cheating on you ? Or how about when I watched you on the lawn accepting his lavaliere after the week we spent together working on that paper ? Or how about when you came running to me as soon as he decided he didn't want you anymore only to leave me again two months later ? All you've ever done is betrayed me. You realized early on exactly what you meant to me and you used that information every chance you got all through school. "

" But I never did it on purpose. " I cried as I took a step towards him. " I never meant to hurt you. "

He backed away from me, keeping the space between us open, not letting me get close to him. " You never didn't do it on purpose. I was never special enough to you to affect your actions. Not once did you stop and think, how will Cappie feel if I do this. I don't think it ever occurred to you that you should. Even when we were together, I was like a lost dog trailing around behind you waiting for any crumb of affection you wanted to throw my way. I spent all my time trying to find ways of making you happy. I become obsessed with it, in fact. Everything I did in our first year together was for you. I made every waking moment of my life about you. And you never returned that. You never made me feel like I really mattered to you the way you mattered to me. And that was the worst betrayal. I put myself out there for you constantly. I may not have said it out loud that often, but you knew. "

The room was spinning out of control for me. His words hung in the air between us. Finally I realized what I should have realized years ago. I had hurt him over and over, time and again and all he ever wanted was for me to love him. That's all. Such a simple thing that I was too selfish to be capable of. How had I missed that ? How had I turned away a love that strong ? A love that lasted through all the pain I had inflicted on him. No one had ever loved me like that. Most people spend their entire life searching for a love like that and I had it and threw it back in his face again and again. I was, in short, an idiot. I didn't deserve him. I had never deserved him. There were times in school I thought I was better than him. I hate to admit that even to myself, but there had been times. And now hearing about all the torment I had delivered to him, I knew I was stupid to ever think that. It was the opposite. He was too good for me.

I closed my eyes and tried to collect my thoughts, to think of something to say to him in the face of his declaration, something that would make it better. I came up with nothing.

I brushed my hand over my wet cheeks in a vain attempt to remove at least some of the tears, then I squared my shoulders and started for the door. There was nothing left for us to say. Nowhere else for us to go. Even if he did find a way to get past all the hurt I had caused, I knew I never would. I would never forgive myself for hurting him so badly, the one person in the world I never should have caused the least bit of pain in.

I took one last look at him and saw him for the first time with new eyes. Such a strong man, carrying the weight of the all that grief on his shoulders so quietly, never complaining. No wonder people looked up to him the way they always had. He was so silently, wonderfully magnificent. The strength of his character shined in his normally laughing, care free eyes. It was astounding that I had never fully appreciated that before. As much as I loved him once, I had missed that very fundamental part of who he was.

I had to call on every reserve of strength I had to will my feet towards the door. It was much more than I thought myself capable of, but I knew I was doing this for him. Getting myself away from him was the best gift I could give him. All I did was cause him pain and misery. I couldn't do that to him anymore.

I really hoped he was going to simply stand there and watch me go without a word. I prayed with everything in me that he wouldn't try to stop me. But yet again those prayers were unanswered as I felt his hand snake out and grab hold of my arm when I tried to brush past him.

" Please don't leave me again. " he whispered and when I turned to met his eyes I saw something I had never seen before. Tears.


	6. Chapter 6

I was stunned. Never before had I seen him cry. But now the tears were there and I was terrified. It was a gut wrenching, ghastly site, that happy face so full of sorrow. I stood there staring like I was watching a train wreck unfold before me. I couldn't take my eyes away. How could I leave him now ? How could I walk away from him and cause him that much more pain. What was I supposed to do ? If I stayed I would hurt him, if I left I would hurt him, too.

I could think of no solution. Nothing could fix the mess I had made of us.

But I stopped because I wasn't strong enough to do anything else.

" How can you want me to stay after all that ? Why ? " I asked, through my own tears, coming faster now at seeing his.

" Because I still love you. " He choked out. " I've never stopped loving you. "

" You can't " I whispered. " You can't still feel that way. You shouldn't. I'll only end up messing up again, hurting you again. Please just let me go. I don't want to hurt you anymore. "

I felt his grip on my arm slip for an instant, like he was trying to decide what he really wanted to do, but it tightened again before I could pull away and then he pulled me into him, crushing me against him, holding me with a need that scared me. " I want this to end. I really do. But I've loved you for almost fifteen years now, I can't stop it. You have no idea how I've tried to stop it. I've tried everything, nothing works. " His face was buried in my neck, his voice muffled by my hair. But I heard him anyway. I heard the raw emotions edging his tone, the vulnerability he had never shown me before. I heard it all and it was almost my undoing, but I steeled my nerves and my resolve and tried to step away from him. He resisted at first, holding me even tighter, but finally he let me go and I moved out of his reach, giving us both the space we needed to form coherent thought.

" We have to end this, Cappie. We can't do this anymore. We are no good together. I always mess it up. I'll only end up breaking your heart again. " I said, slowly as I gained even more control over my emotions.

" You think you can walk out that door and never see me again ? " He asked, quietly.

I considered that. I knew it was the best solution. It was the only way either of us could move forward. We had to put each other behind us. It was time to close the chapter of our lives that each of us had occupied for so long. I nodded and brushed my tongue over my dry lips before I spoke again. " I think that would be best. "

The fire was there again, flashing in his eyes, burning me with his anger. " Well I won't let you do that this time. You don't have that option anymore. I'm not going to just disappear again because it suits you. I have a son and I don't intend to miss another important moment of his life. I've already missed so much. You can't keep him away from me anymore. "

I felt the air leave my lungs in a rush. He was right, of course. I could never do that to him. Not now that he knew. I couldn't keep Zach from him.

" We can work something out with Zach. You can see him whenever you want. I just don't think we should see each other. " I told him.

He stepped closer again and I felt the tiny hairs on my arms bristle at his nearness, like my entire body was reaching out however it could to be closer to him. It was betraying me. My own body was betraying me.

" I will not spend the rest of my life avoiding you. I love you. I think you love me. We shouldn't have to be apart anymore. " He demanded furiously. " Why are you doing this ? Why can't you just realize the truth ? "

" I'm doing this because I can't stand the thought of hurting you again. I don't want to cause you anymore pain. I've done enough. " I sobbed before burying my face in my hands.

I felt him step closer still and his hands enveloped mine, pulling them from my face and holding them tightly. I could feel that familiar heat again, rolling off him, so warm. He was so incredibly warm. I wanted nothing more than to bury myself in that heat and let him drive away the cold that was always present in me.

" Have you stopped long enough to consider that the only way for you to not hurt me again is to let me love you. That's all I've ever wanted. Why can't you let me ? " His voice was hoarse and choked with emotion. He buried his head in my shoulder again and his arms slid around me.

How could I fight against him ? He was so much stronger than me, he always had been.

When he pulled his face from my shoulder there was question in his eyes as they sought out mine. He was asking me to stay with him. Asking me to try and make this work once again.

Could we finally do this ? Could we really come to terms with the fact that we were no good apart ? I needed to be honest with myself. I needed to accept the fact that Cappie was my destiny. He always had been. I had wasted so many years believing that we were not right for each other. But I had been lying to myself all these years. The truth was simple. There would never be anyone else for either of us. I didn't have to energy to fight against it any longer.

So it was with a tired hand that I reached up and brushed the tears from his cheek. Then I took the first step in making things right between us. I let him have exactly what he wanted, what he needed. I let him have all of me. And when he finally kissed me, he seemed to understand. I could feel the hungry all consuming, greedy selfish need in him and I let him indulge it completely.

I awoke the next morning with a feeling that I hadn't experienced in so long I barely remembered it. But it only took a second for everything to come crashing back on me and I knew exactly what it was. I felt whole again, complete. Finally after all these years.

I turned my head and blinked the sleep from my eyes. And the first thing I saw was him, staring back at me.

" How long have you been awake ? " I asked him sleepily.

" I haven't been to sleep. " He smiled wearily. " I was afraid if I drifted off, you wouldn't be here when I woke up. "

I pulled his arms tighter around me and buried my face in his chest, breathing him in. " I had no intention of leaving. "

" I just needed to be sure you weren't just another dream. I couldn't stand the thought of waking up alone this morning. " He told me.

I brought my eyes up to his and held them steadily. " I love you. I'm not going to leave. " I told him firmly.

He sighed, his chest brushing mine with the movement. " I wish I could believe that. "

I sat up so abruptly it startled him. " Alright, I've had enough. " I blurted out. " I want you back the way you were. I'm sorry I broke you. I really am, but I can't take it anymore. "

When I looked into his face he looked scared, frighten by my outburst. " What do you mean ? " he asked, quietly.

"I want you to make a very bad, inappropriate joke and try to tickle me until I can't breath. I want you to beg me into spending the day in bed. I want you to smile and laugh and be you. " I tried to put my rapidly moving thoughts into words.

I waited for a reaction from him, for something that told me he understood what I was trying to say.

It came slowly. The easy, beautiful smile that always melted through to my very core. My heart flipped as I watched it materialize. It was like he was moving in slow motion. I wanted to reach out and shake him.

" You think you broke me ? " he asked, finally with a chuckle that sent me soaring.

" Well, " I answered. " I thought I might have. You been so 'hallmark moment' since last night. "

He laughed, and it was the sweetest sound in the world. I was so blissfully happy when his arms came around me. I let him draw me down to the bed again and before I knew it he was leaning over me, brushing the hair from my shoulder gently.

" Alright, I'm going to trust you. You say you won't leave, I'll take that. " The he lowered his mouth to my chest. " While last night was truly one of the most magical experiences in my life, " he continued as he peppered soft kisses on my collarbone. " I can assure you, I'm not broken, not even slightly damaged. "

I felt myself smiling as his hands moved down my side, across my rib cage. " And while I want nothing more than to spend all day in bed with you, I want something else just a little bit more. " he continued.

I raised my head and caught his eyes. " And what would that be ? What could you possibly want more than me ? "

He leaned forward and brushed a kiss to my lips. " I want nothing in the world more than you. I will never want anything or anyone more than you. But I want to spend the day getting to know my son. "

My eyes stung. He could not have said anything more perfect if he had had weeks to prepare.

We were married three weeks later. I know it was fast, but in reality it was fifteen years in the making. So perhaps it was about time. Rusty and Jenn welcomed their second child, a little girl, Emily, into the world on the night of the wedding. A year later Cappie and I did the same. Her name is Lacy and she is truly the apple of her father's eye. Between Zach and her, I can't believe he still has time for me and work. But he does. He makes time for all of it. I don't know how. But he makes it all look so easy.

So anyway, that's my story, the good parts and the bad, the ups and the downs and mostly the lessons learned.

What lessons, you ask ? Well they are some of the simplest lessons in life.

One, friends and family are more important that anything else. Real friends, true friends should never been taken lightly and should always be appreciated.

Two, few of us get the chance to have everything we've always wanted, if you are one of the luck ones, never, ever turn your back on it.

And third and most importantly, love that lasts, real love should never be taken for granted. If you find it, if you have it, Hold on to it with everything you have. Second chances are hard to come by. Third and fourths even harder. I consider myself one of the luckiest people in the world.

So here's what it all boils down to in the end. If you want it, try for it. If you need it, grab it. If you love it, hold on to it.

Being unhappy is the worst way to live your life. It makes everything you do, no matter how successful or important, meaningless. And that is so much more true, when you have happiness in your reach and don't grasp it as tightly as you can and never, ever let it go.


	7. Chapter 7

Authors Note

Okay, for everyone I invited to my new yahoo Greek group, I didn't put the link in right, I forgot the last backslash. So the address is correct on my profile under my homepage. For some reason it won't let me type it correctly in this message. So you have to go there to find it, or if you need me to send it to you in a PM- just drop me a line and I'll be happy to hook you up.

For everyone I haven't had a chance to invite, I would love for you to pop over and join up.  
I'm planning on doing a weekly topic about the week's episode. A recap for anyone that might have missed it, plus the URL where you can catch it. Plus a teaser for the up coming episode, News and website address for everything Greek, pics of the cast, etc., etc., etc. Even a place to post your fan fictions.

So come on over and join us. You know you want to. How can you resist this much Greek !


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